so, they call me stone wall

Running on very little sleep. Think I got 3 hours last night. It’s the mammoth crunch time before the big event—my baby sister’s wedding. Dress alterations. Baking cake. Watching sugar boil. Making eggs fluffy. I’m cranky. I’m happy. I’m mad. I will take control of the situation. I will delegate and take a moment to pray. New ideas! Wow! Thank you, God. Lists of things to build the cake. Lists of things to wear. Lists of things to get done at work. Ooops here’s another dress to alter. My head is perpetually full of lists. I hope someone can keep me abreast the activities I must be at. Being there and on time is not my gift. As it seems everything else is. Conversations with relatives coming in to town. Airport schedules. A moment for a heart to heart. Boy problems. (Hers. Not mine. No boy problems outside the fact that there are none.) She cries. I cry. I’m a mess on too little sleep. I will work. I will concentrate. I will take charge of the situation. Ooops, I just poured water down my front. Oh, yes I am your administrative assistant. Pleased to meet you. I am here to help you. Please excuse the fact that I just drenched myself. More conversations. More dark secrets. More fears and terrors. Another sleep deprived night. Another day at the keyboard and blue screen. Random tears on the keyboard. Time card is due. Feeling guilty. Don’t they know that bodies can occupy spaces, while the minds do whatever. Oh, my aching back. Another phone call. Why did she say that to me in that tone, with that bitty edge to it? More emotions. And more tears. More wedding plans. Who’s going here or there when and with whom. And why? Everyone must discuss why. More tears. Who the heck is getting married anyway? And why is everybody behaving like the bride. Can I just have everyone be responsible here. Okay get it under control. You can do this. A 5 minute nap maybe. I’m gonna build this cake. Its’ gonna be huge. It’s gonna be sky high. Made with sweat and tears. And next time somebody else will do it, because I will demonstrate how fun it is.

Stonewall? Yeah sometimes, just not now.