I think I love my in-laws: contrary to popular expectation

So a lot of my siblings have been getting married recently. One per summer for the past 3 summers. Frankly, I have enjoyed the new editions—the spouses. It adds a new dynamic to family. It puts an added dimension of mystery to family get-togethers in the who is this person? I can't wait to see how this package unwraps. Like the times when we all get to my parents for some family gathering at 11 pm or later. And for some reason everyone else has decided to arrive at that hour or later. It only takes two in the kitchen at midnight to start us off. Then the rest of us get home at a ridiculous hour and find others in the kitchen to join and laugh with and talk to. But first, every new arrival must open the fridge door to see what delights wait inside to be devoured. The gathering gets quite boisterous as the kitchen meeting grows. Then, Mom generally comes to investigate, with sleepy eyes and her hair in an upheaval. It’s fun to add new people to that midnight get-together in the kitchen, where everyone is too happy to see each other to think about sleep.

There is the addition of my oldest brother’s wife, who’s instant excitement and fun-loving nature adds to the positive dimension of every gathering. There is the charisma and take charge input of my sister’s husband. Then there is the kind, helpful, supportive and giving goodwill of my other two sister’s-in-law. Who ever characterized in-laws as out-laws is quite distracted from the intent of marriage to the family unit. One must be inclined to delight in the new editions. One must envision how the new edition’s strengths will contribute toward a more positive whole.

I think I love my in-laws.

necessity of reconciliation: dependant upon community demographics?

I was chatting with a friend when he told me an interesting story of a daughter off to college for her freshman year. She will have 2 immediate roommates and 5 suite mates who are placed together at random. By sheer random chance—rare chance—I might add, the daughter is placed with a girl from her early teenage years, who was a bit of a terror to her life. The girl eventually moved out of the community of her childhood and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. She remembers. Her parents remember. And both had to be decided in their choice to not go on a preemptory “fix” of the “situation” which would have been to get another roommate.

I thought about how random such a situation is. How rare. By sheer chance this girl must face the past she had with another girl. But when I move to another category of my memory, I realize for others, this is not rare at all. This happens all the time in the Mennonite circles. The community is not big enough for estranged parties to loose one another in the crowd. One must face their past relationship or mis-relationship with the other sooner or later for life would cough up that person back into the present now and again. The community simply wouldn’t survive, if past situations weren’t worked through and people didn’t reconcile. Business exchanges, friendships, family relationships: issues arise but relationships must become priority. With dating even, one can’t simply perform a crash trial run for experience or fun. People in close community notice. They notice how people relate. Everyone is accustomed to being watched and remembered.

So, Mennonites, known for their reconciliation efforts, have incorporated this value because community demographics necessitate it or because they are called to emanate this aspect of the kingdom?
Further, what happens to the social group that has the capacity to “loose” all one’s enemies?

Although: (I would argue one can’t exactly loose his/her enemy. The movie “Babel” is a very poetic picture of how it is not possible to “loose” one’s enemy.) One may loose the face of an individual to the crowd, yet it returns in the face of another to haunt you. Wiccans and pagans always remember the law of threefold return, which states that whatever is done through your hand, whether good or bad, it will return to you threefold. Psychologists recognize the continued presence of the “lost” enemy in something they call transference.

the farmer's daughters

 

This is my photo of the year.

To the farmer's daughters, green is always in style. Well, maybe not exactly. That is...it may not exactly be the intent of the the farmer's daughters to be in vogue with farming. Perhaps its the Bemidji Beavers that love green too. But it is an amazing coincidence. Isn't it?

So, for those city folk who don't get it. Green is the farmer's color. And not just any shade of green. It's grass green. It's like Petty Blue. A bucket of blue and a bucket of white. It's very particular. So, between the bridal shop and the sisters' closets, it's a beautiful color. Then when we paraded it past our father in his easy chair, he looked at us with a squint in his left eye. No words were spoken but we knew immediately, "It's John Deere green!" John Deere. "Nothing runs like a Deere." Yes, John Deere, one of the biggest farm machinery manufacturing companies in the US. My father's preference. Also, green is Pioneer seed. One of the largest farmer's seed companies. But I like the color, even though this daughter has become a city dweller.

I think I prefer this photo to the one with all sisters in pink, although I have come to cherish that one too.

the cake

 

the couple

 

Married on August 12, 2007

so, they call me stone wall

Running on very little sleep. Think I got 3 hours last night. It’s the mammoth crunch time before the big event—my baby sister’s wedding. Dress alterations. Baking cake. Watching sugar boil. Making eggs fluffy. I’m cranky. I’m happy. I’m mad. I will take control of the situation. I will delegate and take a moment to pray. New ideas! Wow! Thank you, God. Lists of things to build the cake. Lists of things to wear. Lists of things to get done at work. Ooops here’s another dress to alter. My head is perpetually full of lists. I hope someone can keep me abreast the activities I must be at. Being there and on time is not my gift. As it seems everything else is. Conversations with relatives coming in to town. Airport schedules. A moment for a heart to heart. Boy problems. (Hers. Not mine. No boy problems outside the fact that there are none.) She cries. I cry. I’m a mess on too little sleep. I will work. I will concentrate. I will take charge of the situation. Ooops, I just poured water down my front. Oh, yes I am your administrative assistant. Pleased to meet you. I am here to help you. Please excuse the fact that I just drenched myself. More conversations. More dark secrets. More fears and terrors. Another sleep deprived night. Another day at the keyboard and blue screen. Random tears on the keyboard. Time card is due. Feeling guilty. Don’t they know that bodies can occupy spaces, while the minds do whatever. Oh, my aching back. Another phone call. Why did she say that to me in that tone, with that bitty edge to it? More emotions. And more tears. More wedding plans. Who’s going here or there when and with whom. And why? Everyone must discuss why. More tears. Who the heck is getting married anyway? And why is everybody behaving like the bride. Can I just have everyone be responsible here. Okay get it under control. You can do this. A 5 minute nap maybe. I’m gonna build this cake. Its’ gonna be huge. It’s gonna be sky high. Made with sweat and tears. And next time somebody else will do it, because I will demonstrate how fun it is.

Stonewall? Yeah sometimes, just not now.

the walk to redemption

1. Decision: Entering into living forgiveness.
Turn from the ways you have sought to rectify or feel better about hurtful incidents in your life. It takes a million different forms. Ignore acknowledging anything happened at all. Talking about the incident incessantly for the rest of your life in an unredeemed light. Defaming the person who did it. Taking revenge on the person who did it. Wrongly allocating blame by either taking on too much blame or never taking on any blame. Indulging in self-medicating habits.

2. Invitation: Invite God into the picture to mediate between you the elements and the other.
God is the only just and wise judge of all situations, complication and hurtful deeds done amongst his children. Only he knows how to fix it and who is responsible for what. What’s more, outside of the growth experienced in owning our actions, he is overflowing in mercy and compassion and can heal every hurt no matter how fickle. He can erase pain and the effects of the hurts done, intentionally or unintentionally through another. He can change our perspective on what was done and who done it. He is the all knowing one, who created for harmony the things that often go crash. Let God construct the reality of the situation. Let God be the interpreter of it. Let God be the judge between you, your brother and the elements. Let God determine where the responsibility shall rest. Let him decide how you shall proceed to behave righteously in spite of the pain and because of the cross.

3. Choose the kingdom: Renounce the agreements you’ve made and the unholy responses you create as a result of your wounds.
Those little vows you make when you’ve been hurt. Renounce them and let God be the salve to soothe the soul. Do not let your wounds determine your future nor the nature of your soul, for they surely will unless God is the sole director of your life.

4. Mourn: Grieve the injustice done the pain inflicted.
The pain is real. You must feel it sometime. Grieve. Cry. Wail. Wail for the perpetrator. Cry for the situational injustice. Let it hurt for as long as it hurts. Your body may feel the excruciating pain of an emotional agony. Yet remember you have invited Christ into this situation. You are not alone. You fulfill that which the disciples didn’t in the Garden of Gethsemane. You are with Christ in that moment sweating blood. And when the time of mourning is over, it is over.

5. Enter into your holy calling: Pronounce the guilty forgiven.
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Christ pronounces forgiveness over his persecutors, his killers, who have been caught in the cosmic drama in a war fought between heaven and hell. Christ sees who is ultimately responsible. In the garden he invited his Father into this drama. He sees now with his Father’s eyes. The just judge has revealed to him how he must conduct himself in the events of the cosmic drama, in the ultimate show-down between good and evil. He declares what will be. “I will destroy the temple and build it in three days.” He is a prophet. He is the Creator, resuming his responsibility among the created. He declares us forgiven. And we who have been redeemed declare our brother forgiven! Be co-creators with Christ. Declare he/she who has done you wrong—declare them forgiven. Take that list of damages done, which you've taken to God in prayer and absolve all those responsible for the various deeds done. Speak it into your life. “I no longer hold you responsible for...” “I forgive you for doing...to me.” "I forgive myself for..." Don't forget to declare yourself forgiven.

6. Journeying with him: He will walk with you and answer your questions.
On the road to Emmaus, Christ answered all their questions.

7. Watch for God's redemption. Wait and watch with expectation. Wait to take part in it.