Tuesday, May 02, 2006

brothers and sisters in Christ

Blorge and I were i-messing the other day about various types of bonding relationships people can have. I as usual was bemoaning the lack of options mainstream culture offers for intimate and fulfilling types of relationships. Earlier I had mentioned how much I enjoyed C.S. Lewis’ commentary on his relationship with his wife after she died. He referred to her as his mother, his sister, his companion, his friend and mistress. He seemed to suggest strongly, if one could not at some point truly call his wife sister, he would be missing a deeply important aspect of relationship with one’s wife. We were discussing the concept of true brother sister relationships in the church and my own relationship with my brothers, who I had many fist fights with but loved them deeply and still do. Sibling rivalry is to be expected especially if one cares. Indifference would be the worst form of hate.

blorge: The culture says that the most intimate relationship you can have is with your spouse. Other cultures have thought differently (in the Ancient Roman world, it was with your blood brothers and sisters).

me: The culture knows nothing. (but it demands compliance at every turn)

But yeah, maybe I'm spitting into the wind in trying to initiate and maintain brother in Christ relationships

blorge: there's also the question of expectations. What does a brother mean to you? What does it mean to the English?

I wouldn't want to get into a fist-fight with you!

me: Cummon. It would be fun.

And then after it’s over--we would be better friends

blorge: it would be horrible

me: lol

blorge: it would be horrible, and damaging, and scarring, and I don’t think I'd ever see you the same way again.

I'm not kidding.

me: Seeing images of me pummeling blorge...(tears and laughing)... People are staring

blorge: at me?

me: At me, cause I’m laughing so hard (into my computer none-the-less)

blorge: that's great!

me: No, just at the oddity of this conversation

blorge: sometimes laughter is the only thing that makes me feel normal

this conversation may be odd to others, but I don't think it's odd to us

maybe that's a sign of our brotherhood/sisterhood.

me: What a fight would mean/symbolize is that we have overwhelming feelings for each other enough to get bent out of shape about.

blorge: no it would symbolize you taking advantage of me.

me: but then in the end--we are still family--we still own each other.

blorge: it would be violating it would be like some guy hissing at you and then wolf-whisteling

me: No!! you need to accept this as my act of love toward you

blorge: then accept some guy grabbing your *ahem* as his act of love toward you!

me: You don't know what love is if you don't

blorge: neither does he?

...the conversation falls appart in fits of laughter. The message communicates better than I had ever intended.

7 comments:

Peter said...
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Guy said...

I have to agree with blorge, violence is not proper or healthy interaction between friends/family.

And you know I am not a pacifist :)

I understand the dynamics of sibling rivalry (it is a question of pecking order/social standing) but I don't really approve of it.

Check out these wikipedia links for some detailed information about violence and relationships.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capture-bonding
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

Next time there is a philosophy meeting ask me about disney movies and why I loath some of them like Beauty & the Beast.

espíritu paz said...

Well--interesting comments...
Didn't think I'd hear from you again, Peter. But for a response, I don't know if you would know or be up to being a brother--it's a pretty high call and I think its obvious that part of the package is dealing with the "other brothers'" skepticism. I know and understand the compulsion and the fear, however, I believe the results well worth the effort.

Whether this is possible on the internet, I have my doubts but I have grace for learning curves as Im on the learning curve too. But I do realize also my weaknesses in being very gulible, so I have to listen to the advice of my brothers. I think I also need to see some identification from you before I can even begin to take you seriously.

As for "violence" not being appropriate, I stand in two worlds. One world is full of domestic violence propoganda and associations with actions that involve "being physical" with another person. In the world of my childhood the categories are simply different. Domestic violence isn't a big issue and would be completely inappropriate, ungodly and very sinful. Siblings getting physical with each other is also undesirable. And parents and other brothers and sisters insist that the conflict be resolved and force the warring parties to do so. However, the aspect I'm underscoring in conflict is that it is visible, then dealt with and people are reconciled into a bond much deeper than the one they had before.

The process is a bit different in mainstream society. It is very verbally active and reason based. I don't intend for blorge to humor me to a fist fight because I believ what he tells me--it would be damaging to him. His psyche would not get it much like my psyche does not get--no matter how hard I try--warm fuzzys and love out of wolf whistling.

espíritu paz said...

*raised eyebrows*

I was half joking when I asked for id but that means I was also half serious. I guess I have id-ed a guy before.
But oh, well. Brother status is earned. Ya gotta get along with the family first. Few have earned brother status in my life. It often takes years. And often has been destroyed in a week--completely heartwretching!

And then there's the older brother--he knows way more about certain things than I do. Even though I've tried to be "masculine" most my life--I am still a woman and even I have to respect that.

Peter said...
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Peter said...
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Peter said...
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