forgetting her

You carry her inside
she beckons to me there
I reach out to touch Her
but you are there

I must ask before I touch
words fly through my mind
I pick at them carefully
they form in my throat

the picture I see in your eyes
makes me swallow
the words fall into my stomach
they torment me there

My own picture passes before me
it becomes my nightmare
I chose you for this pain
I should have chosen myself

I want to tell you I’m sorry
I want to take your guilt
I want to take your picture
I want to show you mine

I reach for you
but you step aside
you look at me
but I avert my eyes

you have chosen your pain
I have chosen mine
we forget about Her
and simply remember our pain

I wrote this poem soon after my sister died. I just found it again today. I wrote it about the weird triangulation that happens between the deceased's remaining family and the deceased's friends who are specifically her's.