wilderness retreat

I didn’t know people sponsored programs such as this one but my neighbor just referred me to the wilderness retreats that Fred does. He is Orthodox and the following sites are a part of his ministry and work.

http://www.antiochian.org/SOYO/wilderness

http://www.nrpe.org/profiles/profiles_vi_C_19_01.htm

I highly recommend the retreat of solitude. I tried it a few years ago. I didn’t have anything to go on other than this unquenchable need to be alone with God. So I ignored everything people were trying to say to me. I got into my junker truck and drove for 5 days straight, stopping only to sleep and eat a bit.

In the desert, as I was detoxing from my life, as the sun went down on the Mojave—a cascade of emotions washing over me: confusion, fear, exhaustion, dehydration, loneliness, effects of exploitation and fear of stranger.

I opened my Bible and began reading where I first put my finger…

The familiarity of the passage caught me by surprise. Its meaning was enriched as I recalled the exegetical paper I had done on this passage some time past.

Psalm 102

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to you. 2 Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. 3 For my days vanish like smoke; my bones burn like glowing embers. 4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. 5 Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones. 6 I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins. 7 I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof. 8 All day long my enemies taunt me; those who rail against me use my name as a curse. 9 For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears 10 because of your great wrath, for you have taken me up and thrown me aside. 11 My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass.

12 But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations. 13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show favor to her; the appointed time has come.

I was strangely filled, as the stars popped out to hang over my shoulders.

spiritual nutrition

Give yourself what you need to live well, so you don’t begin to lust after the counterfeits.

There is an understanding nutritionists often implement when dealing with “random” cravings people sometimes get for foods that aren’t good for them. People tend to believe their cravings are random or bad habits or something of that nature. Often that’s part of the deal. Yet, there is a reason behind every craving. The answer is found in satisfying that craving with the best available. For random potato chip and French fry cravings, often it is the essential oils that run missing from a daily diet and the body will make do with the other oils we feed it by demanding McDonalds too often. Sometimes we beat ourselves up over the helpless cravings which seem to randomly call our names and render us helpless. Yet I don’t think it is random. Things call our name for reasons. It is how we respond that makes all the difference about whether we will live well or die early.

I often carry a bag of apples in my car. Apples expand in your stomach and help you feel full. I found that too often I would be driving somewhere and suddenly I’d be hungry and everything along the road would look fabulously delicious.

Food addictions are somewhat the same as nutrition deficiencies, but more complex. Instead of nutritional deficiencies being to blame, psychological and emotional wounds feed these addictions.

I used to like water. It was like sunlight. You take it for granted until suddenly it’s dark. You see, it was sort of like one day it started getting darker. And every day it got progressively darker until...suddenly...I realized—it was dark.

The same thing happened with the water. It was a part of basic existence. Then, I started to drink those sweet drinks they offered me. I liked the taste. They were my treat. But some time later, I noticed I wasn’t drinking water anymore. I decided I would drink only water again but I forgot how.

water

Peacefullady is doing musical Mondays on her site. The songs are sung in traditional four-part harmony. Everyone who’s grown up in the Mennonite community contributes to the sound, participates in the singing. Perhaps it is simply tradition. Perhaps it is simply singing. But, when all those in the community of God...sing--it becomes the unified prophetic voice of that community, into the space they occupy and beyond. It not only proclaims the Lord’s exploits to those with physical ears but demonstrates harmony of life in manner of expression, weaving beauty into the outer thresholds of being and beyond. Or... perhaps it speaks that which is not into that which is.

The second verse of I heard the Voice especially resonates with me. Go listen to it quickly, for she will be changing the song on Monday.

I Heard the Voice of Jesus say...

I begged for water for my parched lips. The heat of the day wore on. My lips scorched like a desert, bled red, as did the wounds in his hands and feet. I asked for water again. They gave me vinegar. But I drank. I drank and drank till I did not know what water was. The sun went down and rose again. They gave me water but I could not drink it.

Church Infiltrator #2

Multiple Choice Church. The choices of varieties and brands of churches are daunting. Their poster cover is the Sunday morning service. And then there are the varieties of programs available. You can go here for this small group and go there for that teaching. Information and healing and councelling and stuff here and stuff there. I just want a real, sincere relationship with brother and sister in Christ. But the lure of new and exciting experiences or teachings here and there tempt me to the hunt.

Evil Influence #2

Multiple Choice Culture. Potential choices in partners are expanded with technological advancement. Checklists become more detailed. Time for a true encounter becomes more veiled. Results leave us with a mode of operation resulting in commodification, impatience with a true potential mate. The promise of eternal options lure one out of solid commitments.

Church Infiltrator #1

This is the ultimate blasphemy, which turns church from worshiping God to worshiping the self. Church is supposed to be about filling my needs. I left that one church because it wasn’t filling my needs. It wasn’t servicing me in the way I needed to be serviced. Ah!! Yikes! When the self is the only driving reason, the point of the “fellowship of believers” and “the marriage supper of the lamb” is entirely missed. When the Sunday morning service gets likened to a gas station where I can get my spiritual tank filled, I get a little wigged out. Then there are the reasons for why we miss gathering together with the fellowship of believers—they simply demonstrates vividly what is important to us. I too like my self-centered Christian brothers and sisters am guilty as charged.

Evil Influence #1

The Cult of I. The focus ultimately rests on personal needs, wants, goals and feelings. Educational, financial, career goals are prioritized above marriage as well as relational goals and expectations. GenX has taken the heritage of self-orientation to an extreme new level.

if you think you are humble...

Try repenting of a wrong you have done to someone, who you believe has done you much more wrong, than you have done her.

Try acknowledging you have learned an important piece of wisdom from someone with low status amongst your peers.

Try to withhold yourself from blaming others for the problem and instead figure out how you could have been the solution to the issue that arose.

Try withholding from giving an extensive, defensive explanation about a misunderstanding someone had about you that has cast you in a negative light.

Try admitting you are hurt.

Try just saying sorry, even though it wasn’t technically your fault.

how not to be like the Christians

My roommate was raised in a non-practicing Jewish family. Her journey has taken her into traditional evangelicalism and then she decided to explore her Jewish roots and became Messianic. She says that exploring her Jewish roots was the best thing she ever did for herself. I think it’s great having her as a roommate while I’m learning my Hebrew. One of these days I’ll do a Sabbath with her. Yeah! Another culture that does head coverings.

Last week she came home from a study she was doing with her Messianic group and said that a portion of the time was given to a discussion on, how not to be like the Christians. Although I guard myself against establishing a direction and a vision based on becoming that which the other is not—I was immediately interested in what a marginal Christian group’s critique was of the Christian mainstream. Below is the list of the not so Christian practices these Messianic Jews would fault Christians for engaging in.

Holidays—Christians celebrate every holiday anyone else would celebrate. In other words, even the pagan holidays are celebrated in the exact same way the pagans celebrate them. Christians don’t even bother redeeming the day or the celebration of it.

Immodesty—Christians clothe themselves in exactly the same ways as the non-Christian does. No thought is given to the messages that are perpetuated through clothing in our sex selling culture.

Honesty of speech—In Jewish culture it is a mitzvot (a good deed) to speak to a person with clear, frank honesty, whether you or the other finds the truth communicated, difficult. Conversely, Christians sway their speech to suit their purposes. They use flattery and they lie. It was even mentioned in this critique that it is also dishonest to lie with your non-verbals. It was specifically sited that flirting or leading someone on without intent for follow through was dishonest and un-christian behavior that Christians often partake in. Ouch.

Involve the elderly in one’s community—Social tradition to put the elderly into the nursing home once they cannot care for themselves, or be functionally independent. The Christians also do this. The elderly are put away in a place where they cannot contribute to our lives and to our communities. Our mind frames put them in a frame of needing care and comfort, whereas we should put them in a place of wisdom giving for our own needy lives. If they could be of use to us, they would not need to be comforted. Ouch.

strengthen your body’s tie to your spirit through fasting

We often live very compartmentalized lives. We go to church to do spiritual things. We go to school to learn. We work at work. We work out at the gym. We sit on the couch to watch TV. We sit at coffee to chat with a friend. Sometimes my body does it while my mind and my spirit are not engaged. Often my mind does stuff while my spirit and body do nothing. But perhaps the situation that happens least is when my spirit is engaged and my body and mind are either quiet or in compliance.

There are some hazards to living with one’s being all diced apart like that. The body does stuff the mind and spirit never gave it permission to do. The mind thinks things disconnected from the spirit etc. Yet when one fasts, there are ways of fasting that cause your body to listen to your spirit. And it’s not through fighting with the image of a cheeseburger in your head. Instead, as the hunger-pangs hit you, it is as though your body is a desert of dry bones longing, longing, longing... longing for the spirit to fill the wind and bring nourishment to your soul. The hungrier one gets the deeper your spirit longs—as though your entire being is buried in longing—longing for God. Being hungry is only a symptom of lack of sustainance. Perhaps we should all be hungry with longing until the sustenance arrives. Yet what sort of sustainance are we talking about.

I’ve been noticing the food and hunger themes in my life. In my dreams, I often find myself at banquets and church picnics where there is no food. I am hunting for food in dangerous places. I am often hungry for something but I can't discern what it is. I go to the grocery store and look at everything and I don’t want any of it. I planted a garden this summer but was too busy to harvest it. I am thirsty and I drink water but it never seems to satisfy completely. I come home to an empty house. I make dinner. I sit down to eat it at the kitchen table and I don’t feel like eating it because I am alone. Conversely, I go to my parents’ house and immediately head to the kitchen to talk to my mom as I open the refrigerator. There I eat at the kitchen table with my family and I am satisfied.

as we live dying

I have a friend who I enjoy very much. He’s quite a bit older than I. But that just means he’s like my grandfather or father or something like that. We’ve been friends for years. I’ve been to his family picnics and birthday parties and all of that. He is a gem in hiding. Everyone focused on his great compassion. Yet, he was incredibly intelligent and an astute thinker as well. He was full of energy and a dynamic conversation partner, when I first met him 6 years ago or so. We’ve talked about everything under the sun, with much expression and energy. His daughters are every bit as energetic as he is—rather, as he was. He developed some severe health problems and I watched as his energy was cut in half, then it was cut in half yet again. Now, it seems it has been cut in half again. He used to appear in public, looking vibrant and bright-eyed. Everyone thought he looked great. But I knew he went home and then collapsed for the next two days, to recover. I spoke with him briefly the other day—I knew if I spoke to him too long he would collapse for two days from our short conversation. I cried for him. His spirit, so full of desires and passion, lay trapped in a body which gives him only a drop of fulfillment. I still visit him. Next time I envision kissing his cheek, holding his hand and saying very little. Perhaps, I can ask him to greet my sister for me. He'll see her before I will. I'll tell him she can take my place as his conversation partner until I join them.

the best of both worlds

I am grateful for the position the Lord has put me in. I would call it the best of both worlds. The platform of my childhood provided me with a strong frame of dedication and discipline for my faith. The current evangelical circles I run in provided for me a more emotional, expressive and also an intellectual influence. I’ve found pieces of the contemplative in both circles. And as I allow the two influences to speak to each other and embrace the other, my life becomes much more interesting and dynamic. The best way I know to demonstrate the best of both is through songs that express each culture’s sentiments.

Did You Think to Pray

Ere’ you left your room this morning
Did you think to pray?
In the name of Christ our Savior
Did you sooth for loving favour
As a shield today

When you’ve met with great temptation
Did you think to pray?
By his dying love and merit
Did you claim the Holy Spirit
As your guide today?

When your heart was filled with anger
Did you think to pray?
Did you plead for grace my brother
That you might forgive another
Who had crossed your way.

Oh how praying rests the weary
Prayer will change the night to day
So when life seems dark and dreary
Don’t forget to pray

The song turns one's mind to devotional regularity in response to life, as it happens. It prods one to maintain a relationship with God which bears on interpersonal relationships with others and those stray feelings that crop up. It’s very practical. And if the lyrics float through your mind during the day—one is instructed by its words.

How Great is Our God

The splendor of the King,
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light,
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice,
And trembles at his voice

How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

Age to age he stands
And time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, Three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing how great
Is our God

This song is more along the line of romance language. It’s like those cute little nothings one would whisper to their spouse or a proclamation to one’s friends about someone that grabs your fancy in a gossip session over coffee—“He’s so amazing.” “My Heart will sing.” “Clothed in majesty.” What does that mean? Well, mostly it means you’re in love.

But like any marriage, one becomes cynical about the words spoken when all one hears is sweet little nothings. Likewise, if the everyday practical and routine relationship duties elbow out the sweet little nothings, life in relationship is a bore.